30-Day Sobriety Solution Journal: Day 21

I'm all just hanging out... all chill, like I have nothing to do... oh yeah, I have to journal! It's review and bonus solution day again! Always such a relief! But when you don't have any new action steps, it's easy to forget to journal.  And sadly, there is no bonus solution this week. The further I get on the companion website, there are less and less things. It's like they deserted the effort. The authors and coaches no longer comment in the forums. I think their profiles say they haven't logged on in 6 months, maybe even a year. And this week, one of the authors sent out an email to those of us who are registered on the site that basically proved that he has moved on to a much more lucrative endeavor... a 3-month more intensive program that costs almost $3000 per person. Clearly, he is making more from that then sales from this book! Not to throw him under the bus, I still think reading this book and doing this program is well worth it, and will continue despite the "holes" and lack of support on the companion site.

Now, what do I have to say. I went back and reviewed this week's solutions while I was at the pool. (Also possibly the reason that I forgot I still needed to journal by the time I got home!) I did read my Total Sobriety Affirmation when I woke up this morning... still didn't hit that mid-day mark, but I will do it again before I go to bed. I also woke up and stated out loud some of the things I am grateful for. I've had a pretty laid back, good day. The only thing that was bad was the news. I know, I'm not supposed to watch that negative crap, but when it's all over your facebook and twitter feeds, and the headline notifications on my iPhone. You sit there in disbelief that a town in your home state has been dealing with white supremacist neo-nazi and KKK protests where violence has ensued... it's hard to turn away. Trust that I avoided a lot of it. It makes my heart heavy. I just can't believe there is such ignorance and evil in the world. There is so much to be grateful and hopeful about. I cannot believe we are still dealing with people who want to treat others differently for the color of their skin! What an absolutely groundless mindset! I'd say those people should probably do some of the action steps in this book and worry about their own damn problems!

So I am grateful this evening that I did not have to endure any violence because of my opinion. I am grateful for those who stood up against hate. I am grateful that the people I chose to surround myself with do not hold these limiting beliefs about people of other cultures! And I am grateful for my progress with my own future and continuing to work this program and my 60 days of sobriety!


Until tomorrow...
Aspiring Reformed Party Girl

30-Day Sobriety Solution Journal: Day 14

Ahhh, another review day. Weekly relief! And a very short chapter read, at that! However, I went back to the companion site and reviewed everything and read my journal entries, and that ended up taking me longer than expected! It was good to review though. I found some videos that I had missed. I practiced tapping again. And now I am supposed to write for at least 5 minutes. :)

It was good to go back through the summaries and what I wrote. It reminded me of some things I had already forgotten about, and I'm sure it reinforced what I learned.

The Bonus Solution is the Relapse Solution. I skimmed it over. There are not any action steps, but it will be a good resource when I get closer to 60 days, and then closer to my cousin's wedding, because I'm not really sure at that point what my decision will be to drink or not to drink. I actually thought about having a vodka soda, and I really didn't want it. It's almost like I am scared to drink it again. Almost like the girl I was in high school. Afraid of how I will respond. Afraid it will mess things up. Will one drink send me down the rabbit hole? Am I fooling myself that I don't have a desire to drink? Will I fail at this whole program? Well, there I go, doubting myself. Not believing in myself. So nope!!!...

This. time. is. different. I love myself, I believe in myself, I forgive myself, and I accept myself. Even though my regular life continues on, I spend time every day working on myself, working to stick to my core values, change my thoughts, and eliminate my limiting beliefs. I choose to be sober right now. I choose to work on myself. I choose to be free.

Until tomorrow...
Aspiring Reformed Party Girl

30-Day Sobriety Solution Journal: Day 11

Well, first I just have to say it was very enlightening to realize where much of my limiting beliefs come from. As a child, I believed “I didn't fit in,” I was shy and socially awkward, and "I was not good enough” if I wasn't number one at something. I got made fun of for being "unathletic" and a slow runner (a.k.a. "not good enough") by my friends in elementary school. I even remember the time I really wanted to be friends with this girl in pre-school, and this big bully girl with orange-red hair wouldn't let her be friends with me. While I wasn't a total dork in high school, I still wasn't one of the "cool" kids. And it wasn't until my late 20s that I realized not everyone liked me, and that was devastating to me. Even if I wasn't the coolest, I always try to be nice to everyone.

I was afraid to be bad and drink in high school, but college was a whole new world, and when I drank I was "cool" and I "fit in." But it was a weekend thing for fun, not a stress reliever or an attempt to self-medicate. It wasn't until my late 20s that I even entertained the idea of having a few drinks at home during the work week. I had never experienced my parents doing that, and my roommates up until that point didn't do that. Living with roommates who normalized drinking on the daily, combined with a major bought of depression and panic attacks, led to my first foray into self-medicating and a serious drinking problem. I don't believe I have a disease called alcoholism. I believe my drinking became a coping mechanism for my depression, anxiety, and sleeping issues, but I still believed it was making me cool and fun. My alcohol consumption has wavered to and from varying degrees since then, over the last 10 or so years. But every time I was in a better place, I didn't commit to getting to the bottom of "why." I learned some skills for anxiety and depression, but clearly nothing to keep me in that better place. This program seems to be hitting exactly what I was missing before so far, and I am pleased.

Now, onward with more of this work for the day.... The Lie Detector Solution.

Action Step #1: Which limiting beliefs have I believed up until now:

• It is not possible to be sober and have a fun and exciting life.
• I am not fun, cool, or likable without alcohol.
• Sex and sobriety suck.
• Drinking reduces my anxiety.
• I need alcohol so I can sleep.
• Alcoholics are losers.
• Most people drink, and I don't want to be different.
• People will think something is wrong with me if I don't drink.

Action Step #2.a.: What I think about sober people:

• They can't control themselves.
• They are different and are not like most "normal" people. 
• There is usually something wrong with them. 
• Most are happy with a different social life than I prefer. 
• They do things that old people do. 
• They are more reserved, not very cool, and kind of boring.
• They probably judge me if I even have one drink.

Action Step #2.b.: Friends, family members, or public figures I respect who are sober or are "normal drinkers."

• My parents
• Tracey
• Maria
• Ron
• Jema
• Bradley Cooper
• Kristen Davis
• Kathy Griffin
• Al Pacino
• Samuel L. Jackson
• Shania Twain
• Jennifer Lopez
• Chris Hardwick

Action Step #3: Cross-examine my top five limiting beliefs:

• It is not possible to be sober and have a fun and exciting life.
• HOW IT LIMITS ME: It is all-or-nothing thinking to believe that nothing is fun or exciting without alcohol. 
• WHY IT IS NOT TRUE: You have done things in your life, even in high school, that were, in fact, some of the best moments of your life that did not involve alcohol. You have performed, competed, and won competitions without alcohol. You have completed 5Ks without alcohol (even though the actual running sucked, the finishing was great.) You have done a photo shoot and commercial without alcohol.
• I am not fun, cool, or likable without alcohol.
• HOW IT LIMITS ME: Do you really believe that everyone who has met you when you were not drinking does not like you, does not think you are cool, or does not think you are fun?
• WHY IT IS NOT TRUE: You have friends that hang out with you when you are sober! If they thought you were not fun, not cool, and/or unlikable, why would they bother? People at work like you and laugh when you joke around, and you aren't drinking at work!
• Sex and sobriety suck.
• HOW IT LIMITS ME: I can make stupid decisions about who to have sex with when I am drunk. It is also again all-or-nothing thinking to believe that sex without alcohol is never good. You don't remember half, if any, of what happens when you have sex intoxicated! How many times has sex still sucked when you were drinking?
• WHY IT IS NOT TRUE: Lots of people have sex sober, and I'm pretty sure they quite like it. Alcohol can dull your senses and affect your performance, so having sex sober has great potential to be better!
• Drinking reduces my anxiety.
• HOW IT LIMITS ME: There are other ways to reduce anxiety.
• WHY IT IS NOT  TRUE: Excessive alcohol use can actually make anxiety worse. Drinking too much to relieve social anxiety may actually cause you to come off worse, such as slurring your words, forgetting what you were saying, saying things you normally wouldn't say or regret, and/or not remembering what happened the next day!
• People will think something is wrong with me if I don't drink.
• HOW IT LIMITS ME: Being concerned with what everyone thinks of you is very self-limiting.
• WHY IT IS NOT TRUE: Not everyone is going to think that. And if they do, do you really want to be their friend if they are that judgmental?

And really, in summary, all of these are limiting because if I believe them, then I won't be successful in trying to cut back or quit drinking in the long term.

Action Step #4:  My new beliefs to replace my limiting beliefs:

• It is easier to have a fun and exciting life while sober.
• I am just as fun, cool, and likable as I want to be in sobriety.
• Sex is more exciting when my senses are intensified through sobriety.
• My anxiety is better with long-term sobriety.
• Sobriety allows me to have better sleep.
• Alcoholics and problem drinkers are just normal people who need some help becoming "normal drinkers" or teetotallers.
• While it seems most people drink, there are plenty of people who are teetotallers or are "normal drinkers," and whether or not I am sober is insignificant to them. 
• People who choose not to drink are normal people, and most do not concern themselves with how much I drink.

Now off to write those new beliefs on some notecards to read every day...

Until tomorrow...
Aspiring Reformed Party Girl