I was afraid to be bad and drink in high school, but college was a whole new world, and when I drank I was "cool" and I "fit in." But it was a weekend thing for fun, not a stress reliever or an attempt to self-medicate. It wasn't until my late 20s that I even entertained the idea of having a few drinks at home during the work week. I had never experienced my parents doing that, and my roommates up until that point didn't do that. Living with roommates who normalized drinking on the daily, combined with a major bought of depression and panic attacks, led to my first foray into self-medicating and a serious drinking problem. I don't believe I have a disease called alcoholism. I believe my drinking became a coping mechanism for my depression, anxiety, and sleeping issues, but I still believed it was making me cool and fun. My alcohol consumption has wavered to and from varying degrees since then, over the last 10 or so years. But every time I was in a better place, I didn't commit to getting to the bottom of "why." I learned some skills for anxiety and depression, but clearly nothing to keep me in that better place. This program seems to be hitting exactly what I was missing before so far, and I am pleased.
Now, onward with more of this work for the day.... The Lie Detector Solution.
Action Step #1: Which limiting beliefs have I believed up until now:
- It is not possible to be sober and have a fun and exciting life.
- I am not fun, cool, or likable without alcohol.
- Sex and sobriety suck.
- Drinking reduces my anxiety.
- I need alcohol so I can sleep.
- Alcoholics are losers.
- Most people drink, and I don't want to be different.
- People will think something is wrong with me if I don't drink.
Action Step #2.a.: What I think about sober people:
- They can't control themselves.
- They are different and are not like most "normal" people.
- There is usually something wrong with them.
- Most are happy with a different social life than I prefer.
- They do things that old people do.
- They are more reserved, not very cool, and kind of boring.
- They probably judge me if I even have one drink.
Action Step #2.b.: Friends, family members, or public figures I respect who are sober or are "normal drinkers."
- My parents
- Tracey
- Maria
- Ron
- Jema
- Bradley Cooper
- Kristen Davis
- Kathy Griffin
- Al Pacino
- Samuel L. Jackson
- Shania Twain
- Jennifer Lopez
- Chris Hardwick
Action Step #3: Cross-examine my top five limiting beliefs:
- It is not possible to be sober and have a fun and exciting life.
- HOW IT LIMITS ME: It is all-or-nothing thinking to believe that nothing is fun or exciting without alcohol.
- WHY IT IS NOT TRUE: You have done things in your life, even in high school, that were, in fact, some of the best moments of your life that did not involve alcohol. You have performed, competed, and won competitions without alcohol. You have completed 5Ks without alcohol (even though the actual running sucked, the finishing was great.) You have done a photo shoot and commercial without alcohol.
- I am not fun, cool, or likable without alcohol.
- HOW IT LIMITS ME: Do you really believe that everyone who has met you when you were not drinking does not like you, does not think you are cool, or does not think you are fun?
- WHY IT IS NOT TRUE: You have friends that hang out with you when you are sober! If they thought you were not fun, not cool, and/or unlikable, why would they bother? People at work like you and laugh when you joke around, and you aren't drinking at work!
- Sex and sobriety suck.
- HOW IT LIMITS ME: I can make stupid decisions about who to have sex with when I am drunk. It is also again all-or-nothing thinking to believe that sex without alcohol is never good. You don't remember half, if any, of what happens when you have sex intoxicated! How many times has sex still sucked when you were drinking?
- WHY IT IS NOT TRUE: Lots of people have sex sober, and I'm pretty sure they quite like it. Alcohol can dull your senses and affect your performance, so having sex sober has great potential to be better!
- Drinking reduces my anxiety.
- HOW IT LIMITS ME: There are other ways to reduce anxiety.
- WHY IT IS NOT TRUE: Excessive alcohol use can actually make anxiety worse. Drinking too much to relieve social anxiety may actually cause you to come off worse, such as slurring your words, forgetting what you were saying, saying things you normally wouldn't say or regret, and/or not remembering what happened the next day!
- People will think something is wrong with me if I don't drink.
- HOW IT LIMITS ME: Being concerned with what everyone thinks of you is very self-limiting.
- WHY IT IS NOT TRUE: Not everyone is going to think that. And if they do, do you really want to be their friend if they are that judgmental?
Action Step #4: My new beliefs to replace my limiting beliefs:
- It is easier to have a fun and exciting life while sober.
- I am just as fun, cool, and likable as I want to be in sobriety.
- Sex is more exciting when my senses are intensified through sobriety.
- My anxiety is better with long-term sobriety.
- Sobriety allows me to have better sleep.
- Alcoholics and problem drinkers are just normal people who need some help becoming "normal drinkers" or teetotallers.
- While it seems most people drink, there are plenty of people who are teetotallers or are "normal drinkers," and whether or not I am sober is insignificant to them.
- People who choose not to drink are normal people, and most do not concern themselves with how much I drink.
Now off to write those new beliefs on some notecards to read every day...
Until tomorrow...
Aspiring Reformed Party Girl
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