I honestly do not feel like drinking! That's just it. I'm not having a problem staying sober. So of course, I don't feel like I need to stay focused on this program because I feel like I've got this. I'm not worried about drinking, I'm worried about getting this damn program done! LOL
But alright, I am 100% committed, right? And I wrote last night after 3 AM (pretty much about nothing!) just because I made it a goal to do so. It kinda makes me wanna change that damn goal! It's not like I didn't do any work. I read the damn chapter. I took copious notes. I'm a slow reader for god's sake! So, it's not like I sat on my laurels and didn't do a damn thing. (God, can you sense my bitterness today?)
Alright, rant over. Action steps now.
What role has willpower played in quitting drinking?:
Willpower alone was definitely in play the first couple days. I didn't go to any kind of meeting. I didn't even tell a friend. I didn't read a book. I didn't start a program. That first day, I just knew I had to cut out drinking for a while or I would never know if it was causing my sleep issues, and I couldn't continue treating my sleep issues with alcohol. It wasn't until a few weeks later that I decided to stay sober longer and really examine my relationship with alcohol. I know I will need more than just willpower in the long run.
What is my “movie moment?”:
What would someone in the audience yell at me, or what would I yell at myself, watching me starring in a movie?... Why in the world do you think drinking is the best treatment for your sleeping problems? Why are you drinking so many drinks when you go out? Do you know you are about to blackout the next few hours of your night? What's the point of going out if you can't remember? That's what they would say, and that's what I am saying to myself now about my past.
How am I going to avoid the negative impact of decision fatigue?:
Honestly, I should probably do the reading and action steps is in the morning. But I am soooo not a morning person, plus the slow reader thing, so it takes a while to get through. I wouldn't be able to get to work until the afternoon! I already don't start until 10:30 am. The earliest I get done with work is 6:30 pm, and my first priority is an hour walk after work, which is limited by the amount of daylight left in the day, and then I have to shower, and then I have to make dinner, and it's usually 9:30-10:00 pm by the time I get to eat it. Walking is doing a great job of replacing my drinking. And I did make it one of my goals to do this work by 4:00 am. I mean, that's way late! I don't know what else I can do.
Get out of the comparison trap:
I have thought that in the past that I am not as bad as others and... hey wait! We already did this same action step, just under the name confirmation bias on Day 5! I know, this book is repetitive for a reason, but we just did this 3 days ago! So, yes, I have compared myself to others to make myself think my problem isn't that bad. But now, I'm not doing that anymore.
And I'm done! Whew!
Until tomorrow...
Aspiring Reformed Party Girl
