There was one part of the chapter that didn't end up being an action step. It said "before going any further," but clearly I read the whole rest of the chapter before doing it. I'm supposed to take the time to write down any self-imposed or unconsciously adopted standards that might be holding me back right now, and then rewrite them so it is easier to "win." So sadly the standards I often hold me to are just like the examples in the book:
OLD STANDARD: I am not accomplished if I don't get everything done on my list each day.
NEW STANDARD: The only way I can fail is if I don't try to do what is on my list at all.
OLD STANDARD: I have to do everything perfectly.
NEW STANDARD: Not one single person is perfect, and I do enough to get through life while having a balance of work and play, which is more important that trying to attain an unachievable ideal.
OLD STANDARD: I need to make everyone happy and everyone should like me.
NEW STANDARD: I need to take care of myself and as long as I try my best to treat everyone kindly and I am my authentic self, it is not important if other people like me.
Okay, now on to the official steps...
Action Step #1: Practice the "Mental Makeover" when you experience negative emotions:
Well, I'm not having negative emotions at the moment. Well, maybe except not feeling like doing this! haha So let me pick something that happens commonly. I get annoyed with people who don't GOOOOOO!!! when I am driving, like I'm always in a hurry, when in some cases I'm really not.
AWARENESS: I always notice when I start yelling at other drivers because I'm not naturally a "yeller." Maybe it is because when I am in a hurry, it's usually because I am running late, and I am actually irritated at myself! I feel tense and stressed and irrationally bent out of shape sometimes.
ACCEPTANCE: Okay, so I get to go ahead and feel the emotion. I will do that next time I am in the car.
ANALYZING: What triggered it? Well, see AWARENESS.... I'm always running late so I feel like I need to get everywhere fast. I'm supposed to see if the drinking triggers relate to this, but they don't. I guess I was supposed to use a drinking trigger? To be honestly, now I haven't had a drinking trigger happen to me in a while now, so I just can't seem to associate with that. So on with the slow people driving scenario...
ASSIGNING: Ohh, I see. This is where I was supposed to list the standards that might be holding me back. Well, if I am running late, I am mad at myself because I am not perfect and I am trying to make someone else happy by being on time.
Action Step #2: Pick a behavior/situation that upsets you, and practice the process of "The Work":
So, let's just use the same situation: Someone who is driving slowly is annoying.
1. IS IT TRUE?: I'm not absolutely sure that that person is actually annoying, but yes, the fact that they are driving slow is annoying when you are trying to get somewhere.
2. CAN YOU ABSOLUTELY KNOW IT'S TRUE?: No, because it may be in their best interest to drive slow. Perhaps they are not comfortable driving fast. Perhaps it is actually not safe to drive fast.
3. HOW DO YOU REACT WHEN YOU BELIEVE THIS?: I get angry, stressed, frustrated, and sometimes irrational.
4. WHO WOULD YOU BE WITHOUT THAT THOUGHT? I would be calm and happy.
5. TURNAROUNDS:
1. TURN THE THOUGHT TO YOURSELF: I am annoying when I drive slow.
2. TURN THE THOUGHT AROUND TO THE OTHER: I'm really not sure how to turn this one around because I am already saying they are annoying when they drive slow.
3. TURN THE THOUGHT AROUND TO THE OPPOSITE: People who drive slowly are delightful.
So there you have it. I have gotten emotionally sober about slow drivers. LOL I'm going to have to come back around to these processes the next time I have a "real" negative thought that is affecting my ability to thrive in sobriety. I suppose being angry at slow drivers does negatively impact my life in a small way, so I will actually try to think about these things the next time this happens in the car, but I am sure there are bigger fish to fry in the area! I just feel too positive at the moment to get deep into my negativity, and hey, isn't that a good thing?
Until tomorrow...
Aspiring Reformed Party Girl
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