Action Step #1: Write about past attempts to cut back or quit drinking, specifically what you did and what you learned each time:
I have never made an attempt to stay sober in which I intended to never drink again. In fact, even this time, my intention is to cut back, not quit completely. I have however had weekly attempts to cut back, by trying to only drink on the weekends, over the past several years. Some weeks I managed to do so, but progressively, more and more weeks I failed. I would vow not to keep drinking on Sunday after blowing it out on Friday and Saturday night, but I would come up with any number of reasons to drink "just one more night" and that would often stray into the weekdays. I would end up hating myself for it, and then do it again and again. I know that my past attempts didn't work because I didn't do any kind of personal growth work. I was "white knuckling" it during the week, when I was successful, but I didn't do anything to control it on the weekends, and I wasn't attempting to do anything differently or ask why I was doing it. I created such a successful habit of drink every Friday and Saturday night that when I first quit back in June, just the mere fact that it was the weekend and I was not drinking seemed tortuous! I learned that it can truly be a habitual as well.
Action Step #2: Write a list of "drinking" fears you have not addressed and how you will specifically be able to overcome these fears:
What would I do if I wasn't afraid?
FEAR: Up until know, I have been afraid of dating sober.
What benefit have I been getting from letting this fear stop me?
BENEFIT: The benefit is that I feel my anxiety and shyness fade away.
What would I do if I had no fear?
OVERCOMING: I am excited to actually be myself and be confident and calm. In fact, I am less likely to say something I regret and I will remember the entire date!
What would I feel and experience if I took that action?
FEELINGS: Going on a date sober would allow me to be fully present and feel like I am capable of doing anything sober!
Action Step #3: Think back to the times you have turned down offers, invitations, and opportunities and determine if they are related to drinking or are automatic responses to avoid change. Consider new opportunities that come up and just say yes! Notice how that feels and if irrational fear is driving your decisions:
I have backed out of a ton of social situations over the years. Mostly I didn't feel like being around other people or having to try to meet new people or I didn't feel like putting in the effort. The majority of them were drinking events, so it's not as if I thought it would put a damper on my drinking efforts. I just think I didn't want to have to face fear, I didn't want to deal with my anxiety, and I could drink just as easily, and for cheaper, at home! I honestly feel like I am single, I don't have a career that I am passionate about, and I am overweight because I have chosen to drink instead of trying hard, feeling fear, and pursue figuring any of that out. Not to say I haven't changed jobs, or dated anyone, or successfully lost weight over the past 20 years. I have done many of those things, but I still feel stuck in the same place, and I think my dependence on alcohol can take on much of the blame.
Now, I can't exactly conger up an opportunity to say yes to this very moment, but ever since I decided to quit for a while, I have been making myself do things that I would normally have turned down as a way to prove to myself that I don't have to drink to be in the presence of other people and I am not as shy as I keep saying I am! Definitely an irrational fear that I have been hiding behind for many years now! Not to say I don't get anxious or nervous or sometimes don't have anything to say, but I am learning how to feel those feelings and just push through, and not worry about it all so much. I'm not great at it, but I am getting better at it. And honestly, I was still nervous and anxious when I was drinking, I just somehow made it easier.
Action Step #4: Recognize, acknowledge, and embrace the presence of fear by writing down how your body reacts to fear:
Depending on the severity of the fear, I get clammy. I get hot. I get embarrassing red blotches on my face, neck, and chest. I feel like I can't breathe. I feel dizzy. I feel like I might pass out. I have a pit in the bottom of my stomach. I feel an ache in my heart. I feel nauseated. My body tingles all over. I freeze up and can't move or talk. My body trembles or shakes.
So when I feel this fear, I have to acknowledge it, be thankful for it, because it is needed in truly life-threatening situations, but then ask myself, what would I do if I wasn't afraid? What feelings do I want to feel? Courage, Strength, Ease, Confidence, Peace, Calm, Happiness, Homeostasis.
Until tomorrow...
Aspiring Reformed Party Girl
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