I almost didn't do anything tonight either. I'm in a bad mood. I cried. I cried about stuff from high school and college. I don't even know how it came up. And then today was the anniversary of the death of my cat. It's been one year, and I am working on forgiving myself for what I believe was not taking good enough care of her and having to decide to put her to sleep.
After thinking that I was just not going to do anything on the program today because it was a rough day, I decided to at least re-read the chapter. Funny how it's all about negative thinking and being in a bad mood. So then I figured, I had better do the action steps too. So let's get on with the Eternal Optimist Solution...
Action Step #1: Stop and analyze your thoughts when you are in a bad mood.
Hey, guess what? I am in a bad mood! So let's ask these questions. What am I thinking about? I'm thinking about the choices I regret in high school and college. I'm thinking about the poor job I did in caring for my pet. What is my negative self-talk? I should have tried harder. I should have believed in myself. I should not have listened to others. I should not have worried what other people thought. I should have done better. Who's voice is it? It's my voice. What is the tone of the voice? Angry. Sad. What visual images am I focusing on? I'm seeing various moments of me in high school and college. I'm seeing the last moment I looked into my cat's eyes before she was euthanized.
Now that you are aware of what is putting you in a bad mood, change your thoughts by using what you have learned today and in past solutions:
You cannot change the past. Nothing will ever be perfect. You did the best you were capable of at that moment in time. A failure is something you experience, not who you are. You are only focusing on the negative experiences and not the positive experiences you had and choices you made in high school in college and in the 12 years you had with your beloved cat. You have learned from these situations. Your life is not a total failure due to these decisions. You are a good person. You forgive yourself.
Action Step #2: Write down your "negative thinking traps" and how each one shows up in your life using examples:
First, I'd like to point out that I am about list every single negative thinking trap they listed. I clearly have a lot of barriers in front of me!...
- Perfectionism. I am constantly critiquing myself. See action step #1! I believed I should have known at a young age (high school/college) exactly what decisions were right for me. I believed that I should have been more perfect in caring for my cat.
- Negative Labeling. I have found myself yelling at myself in the mirror sometimes saying "You stupid idiot!" when I do things that I don't like.
- Generalizing (All or Nothing). I have many times thought I am always screwing up drinking less or losing weight.
- Deletion. I often do put out of my head all the times I was very sad while drinking excessively. I remember the good times much better.
- Jumping to Negative Conclusions. I always assume the worst in situations. Whoops, there I go generalizing! I suppose I don't always, but a great deal of the time! For example, a few weeks ago I assumed the very worse of what my friends would say when I went out to dinner with them and I didn't drink. The actual evening was not even close to what I had imagined.
- Exaggeration/Minimization.
- Emotional Reasoning. I cannot think of any specific examples, but I do tend to assume my negative emotions reflect the way things really are. I mean the negative feelings in action step #1 are the way I feel things really are. At least I did at the time I thought them.
- "Should" statements. I am constantly "shoulding" on myself, but not the same way as the book describes. I am saying "should" because that is what I believe others--my parents, my friends, co-workers, society, the world--expects me to be. But sometimes I do say that for things I know I want to do... "I should cut back on my drinking"... "I should work out."
- Personalization. If I don't hear back from someone immediately, I automatically assume I did something to offend them or something to that effect.
- Mind Reading. I am too afraid to ask people what they are really thinking, so I am constantly assuming what people are thinking.
Action Step #3: Write down how to change each of your traps:
Unfortunately, I just cannot think of super specific examples for a lot of these right now. I'll admit, I am still in burnout mode with this program, so I am just dangling to hold on to this 100% commitment. Even though I was upset today, and I cried. I didn't drink. I just felt the feelings, let myself cry, and it was hard, but I didn't run to the bottle. I had no intention of trying to drink it away. Anyway, I may be half-assing this step, but I am just trying to do as best as I can. No one is perfect. So, good one to start with....
- Perfectionism. Tell myself that no one and nothing is perfect. Tell myself that good enough is good enough. You are still trying to do your best.
- Negative Labeling. You may do stupid things, but no one's perfect, so don't tell yourself that. Failure is something you experience, not who you are.
- Generalizing (All or Nothing). You are not always screwing up drinking less. You don't drink when you sleep. You have not had a drink on many days! And look at you now! You have not had a drink in 44 days! And you have not screwed up losing weight. You have lost 74 lbs before, you can do it again. You don't eat horribly every single minute of every single day.
- Deletion. You have to remember the bad times of your drinking excessively. You have written journal entries before even doing this program. Go read them if you get off track with cutting back or quitting drinking.
- Jumping to Negative Conclusions. Start imagining the best of situations. Realize that every situation is unique, so be open to what might happen. It might not turn out as good as you think, but it is not the end of the world.
- Exaggeration/Minimization. Exaggerate the positive and minimize the negative!
- Emotional Reasoning. Acknowledge that emotions are temporary and can be changed!
- "Should" statements. Think about what YOU actually want, not anyone else, and then change those "should" statements to "want."
- Personalization. Don't make assumptions. It is not always you. That is a bit conceited, don't you think? Get more information.
- Mind Reading. Stop being afraid to ask people what they are really thinking because it will make the situation better in the long run. Again, do not make assumptions. "When in doubt, check it out!"
Okay, so I am probably doing myself a disservice by not thinking of specific examples, but I KNOW I do all of these things, I just can't think of exactly when. This will still be helpful to come back to and apply when I do run across these situations.
Until tomorrow...
Aspiring Reformed Party Girl
No comments:
Post a Comment