30-Day Sobriety Solution Journal: Day 10

Alright! I'm in the double digits now! One-third of the way there! Of course, I still have a ton of other things to do today and well, it's evening now, so let's get cracking on this Core Values Solution!

Action Step #1.a: Review the list of possible core values in the book, and write down the core values that stand out to you:

• Authenticity
• Appreciation
• Comfort
• Creativity
• Fun
• Generosity
• Happiness
• Humor
• Integrity
• Self-reliance
• Tolerance

As suggested, I went with my gut instinct. It was hard to determine if I truly valued that, or if it was something I think I should value.

Action Step #1.b: Think of situations, people, or movie/TV characters that really upset, offend, or anger you, and write down which of your values are compromised in each situation:

• Donald Trump. Everything he does violates my core values of integrity, generosity, and tolerance.
• People who don't tip bartenders or servers, but that's mostly because I was a server before, and I know they don't make enough without tipping. So I guess that violates integrity or generosity.
• People who can't take a joke. And I don't mean a mean one that someone continually jokes on someone about. Just people with out a sense of humor. Clearly, this violates my value of humor. 
• People who use religion as a form of hate. This violates integrity, generosity, and tolerance.

Action Step #1.c: Think of the people (dead or alive) whom you admire the most, and write down the values or emotions you respect most about these people:

• My Papa. He always seemed genuine and loved everyone. He loved to tell jokes. He loved painting. I don't remember him ever lying. He was never mean. He just had a wonderful aura about him. The values of appreciation, authenticity, comfort, courage, creativity, dependability, fun, generosity, happiness, honestly, humor, integrity, joy, love, loyalty, tolerance, and truth come to mind when I think of him.
• Michelle Obama and President Obama. Ok, I put them together, but I have so much respect for them both. They were both classy, and in the face of some many nay-sayers and adversity, worked hard to do what they felt was right for our country, while continuing to be respectable citizens and role models for their children and the world. The values of accountability, achievement, appreciation, authenticity, courage, honesty, influence, integrity, justice, passion, patience, strength, success, tolerance, and wisdom come to mind.

Action Step #1.d: From your list, pick 10 values you identity with most and write down how your drinking has played a role in contradicting or violating each of these:

• Authenticity: I don't suppose I was always being my true self when drinking. In fact, I can remember times someone told me I did something that I can't remember doing, and I thought, I can't believe I did that.
• Appreciation: I was not think I was necessarily doing anything that people appreciated me for when I was drinking, except for maybe buying people drinks on occasion!
• Comfort: I gained a false sense of comfort when drinking. It was temporarily helping my sleeping issues. I was temporarily not anxious about anything, and therefore felt comfort, but then I was become even less comfortable when I was not drinking.
• Creativity: I believed that I was more creative sometimes when drinking, but I would often get side-tracked with other things or just not feel like doing whatever creative thing I was trying to accomplish after a certain point.
• Fun: There have been some seriously fun moments while drinking. I am not going to lie. But there have been many other moments where I have cried. I have written things in my journal or said things out loud that were very sad, and often I did not feel the same when sober the next day. The drinking intensified my sadness and insecurities if I drank too much, if I drank past the "fun point."
• Generosity: Buying people drinks on occasion is generous, but I am most likely thinking only of myself when I am drinking. Luckily, I don't have a family that has gotten the short end of the stick from my drinking. But, perhaps I said something inappropriate or mean to someone that I would not have when I was sober. 
• Happiness: (see fun.)
• Humor: I have to say that I laugh a lot and make jokes when I am drinking with friends. Everything is hysterical. But again, see "fun." Eventually, I take it too far, and when I am drinking alone, sadness seeps in, and I am no longer laughing.
• Integrity: Do I really give a crap about my integrity when I am drinking? I'm sure I don't. I get more bent out of shape about things than I would when I'm sober. In my younger years, I ended up going home with people I would not have sober. Luckily, I am more of the anti-going home with people at this age. I would venture to say integrity is still not a priority when I drink.
• Self-reliance: Ummm, yeah. All those times you couldn't find... your purse, your phone, your money, your jacket... and you needed someone else to help you find it. When you've needed help walking or getting upstairs because you were so drunk. I definitely need other people when I am drinking, and rely less on myself.
• Tolerance: I am much more quick to anger and be upset by anything when I am drinking. I may not change my major social beliefs, but I am definitely less tolerant about little things, such as how long it takes to get my drink.

Action Step #2: Update your 30-Day Vision Statement (Day 2) and Goals (Day 6) with some of your core values:

I just have to say first that I am slightly annoyed that I have to change my vision statement. I already memorized it! Okay, I will survive. Moving on....

Updated 30-Day Vision Statement:

I have a clear mind, I am vibrant, and I am full of happiness. I feel amazing both mentally and physically. My sleep is peaceful and comforting. Creativity flows through me, and my humor is amplified. I accept full responsibility for my actions, yet I treat myself with forgiveness, compassion, and self-love. I am grateful and proud that I have maintained sobriety.

Updated Goals:

#1: I will have stayed sober for 60 days in a row, allowing my authenticity to thrive, by Friday, August 25, 2017, at 3:00 AM EST.

#2: Every night by 4:00 AM, I will have completed either that day’s reading and/or finished the action steps for the 30-Day Sobriety Solution, and spent 5 minutes or more writing here in my journal until I have completed the program by 4:00 AM on Friday, September 8, 2017.

#3: I will continue to look myself in the mirror daily and tell myself that I love myself and I forgive myself so that my appreciation for myself, happiness, and self-reliance will grow, and I will truly begin to feel that way by the time I complete this program.

Now I have to write up new notecards...

Until tomorrow...
Aspiring Reformed Party Girl